Once you’ve thought about the situation and decided that, indeed, you need to let the client go, you’ll need to take action and make that phone call to let them know. (I have tried to “secretly fire” a client by continually raising my rates until they go away. That might be okay early in a relationship, but in my experience it isn’t effective when you’ve worked together awhile, because they will have a feel for your pricing. Instead it leads to “mini-confrontations” where they ask and you argue about pricing. Better, in my opinion, to take the bull by the horns and state outright that you’re ending the relationship.)

I’ll walk you through the process I use for firing someone with grace and give you an example. (Note, this same process works when you want to fire a contractor or vendor as well.)

1. Organize your thinking about why the relationship isn’t working for you.

Create a list of all the reasons the relationship isn’t working from your side. As an example, I’ll share the details on one of the first clients I fired. I’ll call her Belinda.

I had worked with Belinda for two years and she became increasingly demanding over that time. In the last year I worked with her company, she bought $300,000 worth of research from us, but because she took so much time, the profit margins on the projects we did for her was only half that of our other clients. My list of reasons included:

* Though it is $300,000 in revenue, I’m working as hard as I would if it were a million. She acts as if she is my only client.

* This client doesn’t respect boundaries. Belinda frequently calls me late at night or over the weekend, expecting her questions to be answered right away.

* She demands impossibly tight timeframes. Everything is always urgent and an emergency – I don’t have time to do my best work. I’m stressed!

* I feel “harassed.” If I don’t answer the phone, she’ll leave a voicemail every 30 minutes until she talks to me.

Although Belinda sounds like a nightmare, she was actually a very sweet person. She was in an extremely demanding corporate job and her bosses behaved the same way she was treating me. She couldn’t break the cycle. This is why the next step is so important.

2. Step into their shoes and think about why the relationship isn’t working for them.

In Belinda’s case, I could see the following:

* She wanted projects completed more quickly than I was willing to do, so there was always a negotiation on timeline and she usually had to compromise if she wanted me to do the work.

* She wanted me to be available 24/7, including evenings and weekends, whenever things came up – and I wasn’t available all of the time. This created panic on her part.

Looking at this list, the truth is, Belinda was having these same challenges with every single vendor she worked with. It wasn’t that we were slow or non-responsive – it was that her organization demanded the impossible. That’s OK! Instead of “being right” and listing all the reasons your customer is wrong, remove your ego from this exercise and really imagine the situation from their side.

3. Schedule a phone call.

Don’t call your client blindly to have this discussion. Schedule a meeting for this conversation. You have no idea what will be going on in their home or office when you make a blind call. By setting a meeting, you make sure they are prepared to give you their full attention. I like to say, “I have something important I want to talk with you about regarding how our working relationship is going. Do you have 30 minutes this Friday when we can talk?”

Focus on getting the meeting scheduled. Make sure that anyone who needs to be there is available – you don’t want to have to do this twice. In Belinda’s case, I asked that her department head, Tim, attend as well.

Don’t tip your hand or let them back you into having the conversation when you are not prepared. If they press you, say, “This conversation will take more time than we have right now. When can we get together for 30 minutes?” If possible, arrange it so you call them; you’ll be in the driver’s seat even more.

Between now and the time of your meeting, continue performing professionally and doing the work to the best of your ability.

4. On call day, structure the call to separate the person from the process.

First take control of the conversation.

“Belinda and Tim, I’ve been thinking a lot about how our companies have worked together over the past two years, especially about some of the challenges we have faced and I want to share my thinking with you. Please let me share my thoughts first, and then I’d like to hear your response.”

Next, lead with what’s not working from their side.

This gets them agreeing with you and builds a bridge of mutual understanding and respect.

“I look at our relationship from your side and I see that, very often, we aren’t able to meet the timelines your company really needs. I also know that your feet are to the fire and you need someone always available to answer your questions right away so you can be responsive to your senior management.”

Next explain what’s not working on your side.

“From my perspective, I’d love to be able to meet those timelines but I don’t feel we can do quality work if we move that quickly. And, as much as I would like to, I can’t be available to answer questions 24/7. I do my best, but I do have other clients who need me and a commitment to my family as well.”

Separate the person from the process, blame the process, and state your decision.

“Personally, I’ve enjoyed working with both of you. You are great people and I feel tremendous respect for how hard you work to meet your company’s objectives. But I think our two companies aren’t aligned very well. I’ve tried everything I know how to do to make this relationship work better, but have decided that our businesses just aren’t well-suited to working with each other.”

Don’t leave them in the lurch.

“In addition to a few projects that are wrapping up, I know we have one on-going project that you will need to find someone else to do. Of course we’ll finish the projects we have underway right now. And I want to support you in finding someone else to do the on-going project. We’ll continue on with that work until the end of the year and if you need help in interviewing our replacement, I’m happy to do that with you.”

Now let them talk, but hold firm to your decision.

In Belinda and Tim’s case, they actually asked me not to be hasty. They said they wanted to make it work and they promised to change. But I held firm, knowing that these two good people behaved the way they did due to pressures from above that they could not control. I continued the ongoing project for another four months, helped them review the proposals sent by vendors who were interested in taking over the work I was releasing, and helped make the transition to the new vendor as easy as possible. I still occasionally run into either Belinda or Tim at industry conferences and over the years, both of them at different times have referred other clients to me.

No, firing a client is not easy – but it can be done well, with respect and mutual appreciation. At the end of the day, you are the boss when you have your own business. If you’re allowing other people to control you, you’re not stepping into the power and freedom available to you because you took the risk to start your own business. So if you are dealing with a client you know is abusing you or your business, follow these steps to end the relationship sooner rather than later. Although it may seem nerve-wracking to begin, the payout will definitely be there. You’ll have greater appreciation and respect for yourself once you take action – and a ton more energy as a result, energy you can focus on growing your business with more positive relationships!

Each of these five types has unique approach to running a business – and as a consequence, they may respond differently to firing a client when the time comes. This article examines Go Jane Go and Merry Jane. To see how the other Janes respond, check out last week’s article on our blog.

Go Jane Go is passionate about her work and may be a classic overachiever, possibly event taking on volunteer opportunities in addition to running a business (and maybe a family, too). She’s eager to make an impact on the world and may have a difficult time saying “no”. As a result, she may feel that she can’t get away from work or sometimes fall into periods where she’s stressed and not taking care of herself because her plate is so full. She dreams of having that elusive “balance,” even as she commits more tasks to her to do list.

For Go Jane Go, business is built on relationships, so ending one could feel traumatic, even if it’s the right thing to do for the business. Because she so willingly takes so much responsibility on herself, Go Jane Go may bend over backward trying to please her clients, even when they are being unreasonable. Because business feels very personal to her, she may also avoid confrontation, not wanting the client to feel she doesn’t care them as individuals. Finally, her strong desire to help and her confidence that she can deliver better results than nearly anyone else make keep her doggedly persistent in the relationship – refusing to let it “fail” by going above and beyond trying to please them.

Sometimes, however, relationships cannot be fixed because doing so requires changes on the other person’s part – something outside of Go Jane Go’s control. Here are some questions Go Jane Go should ask herself if she’s struggling with a difficult client:

• Are you putting off ending this relationship because you like the client as a person? Even if you and this client are good friends, you must make sure your own needs are being met. If they aren’t willing to make sure you are also benefiting from the relationship, you can end the business aspects but maintain the camaraderie.

• Do you feel guilty when you think of letting them go? If guilt is your primary reason, gently remind yourself that this raw emotion should not ever be allowed to control you.

• Are you worried that they won’t be taken care of well, elsewhere? If so, recognize this may be the best thing for them because it will cause them to see the value you bring in a different light. I’ve parted ways with clients only to have them return a year later with a greater appreciation for the partnership. You might think of it as being akin to letting your children ride the bike, even though you know they’re going to fall. You have to let them fall – because in the falling, they have the opportunity to grow. Difficult clients can well be the same.

Therefore, if you have a difficult client, please take the time to develop a pros and cons list. Force yourself to see what this harmful relationship is costing you in terms of your time and your energy. If it is draining you, have the courage to end it. You and your other clients will reap the rewards when you do because you’ll feel so much lighter.

Merry Jane. This entrepreneur is usually building a part-time or “flexible time” business that gives her a creative outlet (whether she’s an ad agency consultant or she makes beautiful artwork) that she can manage within specific constraints around her schedule. She may have a day-job, or need to be fully present for family or other pursuits. She realizes she could make more money by working longer hours, but she’s happy with the tradeoff she has made because her business gives her tremendous freedom to work how and when she wants, around her other commitments.

Since Merry Jane has limited hours to work in her business, she is more likely than other entrepreneurs to say finding new customers is a challenge. She’s happy keeping her business within manageable limits, but firing a client may diminish an already small client base. Therefore, she’d like to keep the customers she has, whenever possible. Still, Merry Jane values her freedom, time, and opportunity to express herself through her work so much, she won’t tolerate an abusive situation for long because she’s committed to enjoying the lifestyle she’s created.

Some things for Merry Jane to consider to make the parting easier:

• Focus on the amount of time and energy this “bad customer” is costing you. Is it worth it? If not, part ways sooner rather than later.

• Time and energy are resources that you can exchange for other resources – including money. If you took the time and energy this person is costing you and channeled it instead into marketing and sales, you’d replace this customer in no time – and probably add more than one replacement. Commit to a faster break so you can go find those customers who can’t wait to work with you.

Firing a client is never a walk in the park. But it can be a breath of fresh air for two parties who’ve been feeling the stress or a clean break from a disintegrating situation. Whether you’re a Go Jane Go and you just don’t want to end a friendly working relationship, or a Merry Jane who doesn’t want to lose a precious client, sometimes the end is just a new beginning in disguise.